by Stacey N. Warren

Using social media in a divorce is not a means of connecting with friends, family or colleagues. Instead, the more someone uses social media during a divorce or family law conflict, the greater their loss of connection.

Social media friendships don’t get you through a divorce or family law conflict. Here are some other reasons social media is not your BFF during this time:

  • You shouldn’t use social media as a diary tool. Far too often, judges are presented with evidence from one or both parties’ social media accounts as proof of wrongdoing, poor lifestyle choices, poor new partner choices, or overall stupidity. As a judge looks at this type of evidence in a court proceeding, they are thinking the same thing as your attorney – “how could this person be so…[fill in the adjective]?” We live in an over-sharing society. The consequences of that oversharing can be severe when it comes to divorce and family law matters: A parent can lose custody, a party’s contact with their children can be limited, and a court’s ruling can leave relationships in tatters. 
     
  • Facebook is not private. It is not secure. When you are going through a divorce, the only people who care about your life on Facebook are the people you don’t want to see it! And heads up: you cannot delete your Facebook account once you are going through a divorce or family law case. You can stop using it, but deleting the account can subject you to sanctions or penalties for the destruction of evidence. 
     
  • Twitter presents a different set of problems. When you communicate with short, incomplete sentences and incomplete thoughts, it stunts your ability to reason and solve problems. You are in a period where conflict management and negotiating are critical skills to sharpen, not dull. You will not solve problems by reliance on 280-character tweets. However, your ability to create problems is immeasurable.
     
  • Instagram or TikTok. Let’s face it: You are not the Kardashians, even if you feel your life is like a reality show. But, you don’t want to end up as the topic of conversation in the PTA Zoom chat or at the game-day tailgate because of an awkward post about your soon-to-be-ex, their new significant others, or some other issue of conflict. 

People get through divorce and emotionally difficult family law cases because they have substantive support systems. If they don’t have them, alert attorneys will encourage people to establish them – by connecting them with a therapist or a support group, or encouraging them to draw strength from their faith communities. 

It is okay if your support village doesn’t have the same number of people as the opposing side. It is not a popularity contest. What matters is the quality of the support system. You need a dedicated group of people who will provide you support and personal encouragement to get through this challenging time, who offer honest feedback when you do things right as well as when you could make better choices.